just let me be like one of THOSE girls. I want to be skinny and have small, nice boobies.
Why can't I be like every other girl? Why can't I just be Chinese or Malay or Indian. It would have been so much easier. Soooo much easier. There's seriously no point in people( mainly old men and women and little kids) telling me I'm pretty or whatever. So what? So what if I am. There's no one who wants me. No one. And another thing....
I wish I didn't have to straighten my hair like every five months and deal with my horrid complexion that I have right now. I wish I hadn't slacked off so much and ended up where I am now.

Please, let me be sane enough to put my hopes and my love on someone else. The one time I find myself feeling better, I found it in a place I shouldn't have. I'm so stupid. I'm always finding love in the wrong places. Always.


ERGH. On another note, Pioneer's Got Talent is tomorrow and I am the emcee and a guest performer. AND I didn't help the drama club one bit with their props. I am such a horrid person. A horrid horrid disgusting person.

I played Body Language in Social Studies class today. The kids didn't bring their books and they had math exam the next day so I told them to sit in their seats and revise quietly. Most of whom obeyed. While they sat there some of them staring blankly at their blue desks, I played the song and told them, " The title of the song is Body Language by Jesse Mccartney( then I proceeded to write this on the board). You may continue revising while I provide the music. Listen to the lyrics if you can. This is social studies right? We can learn about different cultures from the song ;D".

Wah they loved that excuse. I saw one of the nerdier ones lip singing to it. Quite surprising. But of course the most annoying student in the class kept wanting to play hoe down throw down. I of course said No.

Me and the boy, if you can remember who he is, stole daddy's car last night to drive down to miss DCD's house for her midnight surprise birthday celebration. Very exhilarating. We of course didn't think about everything thoroughly enough and fell through the biggest loophole in the plan. The parking lot got taken. So after going around the parking lot for a good half hour, we decided to park at a totally different location. After parking, we sat by the pool to brainstorm on what on Earth I should tell my dad. In the end we decided on the truth which worked well to my advantage because I got off with not even a scolding but just a stern warning. I love my dad. So after deciding what to do. We chilled by the pool and just talked and talked and talked. Got to sleep at around 4am and woke up at 6 for school. Hahaha. I survived school plus after school marking till 5 pm on 2 hours of sleep.

ANDDDDD HE FREAKING SMILED AT ME! LIKE OMG! Okay I know I'm nuts la kay. :P

Having a whole primary school as your playground is the best way to blow your time. We waste time and still get paid but of course I'm gonna have hell on Friday. Today's my last day to totally slack off. Tuition tomorrow night, articles due on friday sources oif which are only coming IN on friday. Can  you spell screwed? You know me, last minute/ procrastinator to tha max! Tuition on Friday and Saturday as well. Sunday is planning for the week ahead. Then it'll be back to the daily grind. GRRRR.

Hopefully clubbing this Saturday. Please say yes, Di? :(

Thinking back when we got together
In our hearts we were saying forever
So in love, boy we were so in love, mmm
Jealousy wasn't what we wanted, we broke up
And when you looked into my eyes I should of spoke up
And held you near, then I wouldn't be alone
And here it comes again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

I would be crazy to say that we were perfect
And sometimes I was wondering if it was worth it
But now I see, how could you run from me?
And everytime I drive by your apartment
I get this overwhelming urge to walk in
And see your face and to be in that place all over again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
All the things we did and the way that we touched
Just when I think about someone new
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

The way we laughed, the way we kissed
I never though that I would miss
All the things I used to complain about you
The football games, the hometown friends
I'm just glad to see an end
But tell me why I feel so alone without you?
Ooo oh, Oooh, Yeah,
Here it comes again

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
And I don't want to think about you baby so much
(I don't want to think about you baby so much)
All the things we did and the way that we touched (we touched)
Just when I think about someone new (new)
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
(I keep on forgetting to forget about you)

Cause I remember every word that you said
It all just keeps spinning around in my head (head)
But it don't matter what I try to do
I keep on forgetting to forget about you
(I keep on forgetting to forget about you)
Forget about you, forget about
Watch me turn around and forget, forget about you
Forget about me and you

are cheats and liars
they're such a big disgrace
all they really want is to get to second
BASE ball baseball
he thinks he's gonna score
but if you let him go all the way then you are a
HOR ticulture studies flowers
geology studies rocks
all a boy really wants is a place to put his
COCKroaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs
a boy really loves a girl with great big
JUGglers, acrobatics and a talking beaver named chuck
all a boy ever wants is to
forget it no such LUCK.

I was thinking about the first day of jc today. I was sitting at the bus stop listening to NSYNC(yea I know. shut up) and I was thinking about what I said to you that day when we were sitting on the floor in front of the grandstand, side by side, " Eh we just stick together, kay?"
 

 And we did. For two years.

I remember all our phone conversations when the connection would get really bad and you wouldn't be able to hear me and then it'd be fine and you'd ask if I was there and when I said yes you'd say, "Oh okay good. I thought I lost you." 
And then I ended up losing my friend.
 

We never should have started this. Never. Not when it ends this way.














Stop it, Rashal.

What a fucking waste of my time. And most of all my heart.

Second night in a row without his call. Not dealing so well. At least I have tomorrow to look forward to?

I throw all of your stuff away
I’m gonna clear you out of my head
I tear you out of my heart
And ignore all your messages
I tell everyone we are through
'Cause I'm so much better without you
But it’s just another pretty lie
'Cause I break down
Every time you come around
So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in
Should have known better in trying to let you go
'Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you
is so addictive
We're falling together
you'd think that by now I'd know
cause here we go go go again
You never know what you want
And you never say what you mean
But I start to go insane
Every time that you look at me
You only hear half of what I say
And you're always showing up too late
And I know that I should say goodbye
But it's no use
Can't be with or without you
So how did you get hereunder my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in
Should have known better in trying to let you go
[ Demi Lovato Lyrics are found on www.songlyrics.com ]
Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're falling together you’d think that by now I'd know
Cause here we go go go again
And again, and again, and again, and again, and again
I threw all of your stuff away
And I cleared you out of my head
And I tore you out of my heart
So how did you get here under my skin?
I swore that I'd never let you back in
Should have known better in trying to let you go
Cause here we go go go again
Hard as I try I know I can't quit
Something about you is so addictive
We're falling together you'd think that by now I'd know
Cause here we go go here we go again
Here we go again
Should have known better in trying to let you go
'Cause here we go go go again
Again (and again, and again)
Again (and again, and again)
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again
And again


I can't pick up anymore. Not like he'll call. Will he? Please don't. Please.

Give me a puasa five!*misses*
LOL! RIN RIN!

I missed you.

Adrian stared at me today with his mouth open. I was like " What?" . Rina saw too and said, " Yea Adrian. Why you looking at her like that?"

"So pretty today ah.. :D"

XD

If only the person I wanted to say that said it. Its not that I don't appreciate hi calling me pretty but yea.
 
I thought he had real potential but I should've known an ego like his could never be contained. Please don't ever flatter yourself. You may be hot but your attitude is fucked up. To think I....

Ergh. Stupid stupid boy. Don't worry, Mai I'm not blaming anything on anybody.





I knew he was too good to be true

I am so sleepy. Nonetheless, I'm sitting for my BTT in about an hour's time. Wish me luck.

I slept at around 2 last night.Nope not cramming but lepakking. I actually got a taste of what sitting around doing nothing felt like. We caught the 9pm GI JOE show which ended around 11. We as in the boy and his friends. Yes I hung out with his friends. After the movie we decided to chill at my place where he played guitar and we sang stupid made-up random lines, played truth or truth(?) and cam-whored. Then we got halau-ed at around 1 in the morning by a sleep-deprived resident of whom recieved a very lovely middle finger from the boy. Nice.

So yea texted a while adn went to sleep.
Still no hug. :(

but thanks radha dearest for your virtual one :D

Three weeks into the teaching gig and I'm already stressing. I think the only thing good out of this week was yesterday when I met you. I had fun and I hope nothing was awkward or anything. Hopefully, you had fun too la.

Anyway, school was bordering on traumatic. I filed my first accident report when an accident just had to happen in front of my eyes. On top of that, a girl got hit in class and I was too pissed off at everyone else that it went unnoticed so her daddy complianed. Perfect. And the little brat is still not happy. Fuck la kids these days. I love them. I really do but they're being spoilt to no end. Its disgusting.

I met up with the boy this week and he totally disappointed me and he keeps on doing it. Is fucked up. Thats why I'm not looking for a serious relationship. I'm sick of being disappointed. Damn sick of it. Lazy twit. Lazy good-looking twit. ARGHHH. And you said I'm decieving myself in believing he won't be my boyfriend. Well, he won't.

Oh my God, right now I don't even wanna see him and he's meeting me tonight. I think. Entah betul ke tidak.

Oh and I slept a total of 15 hours on friday. I slept at 5 and woke up the next morning at 8 for tuition. This was of course due to the fact I missed out on a whole lot of sleep that week what with gatherings, late nights marking, GaGa and lesson preps.... All I needed was a hug yesterday and I still didn't get it.

I still need that hug.