I don't want to go for driving at 830pm tomorrow or technically, later tonight.

I don't want to do my Social Studies Upper Primary Lesson Plan.

I don't want to worry about my boyfriend anymore.

I want him to be fine.

I want to join Zaihar's O School LA/Lyrical Hip Hop Class.

I want a decent GPA this sem despite my horrendous grades so far.

I want my license.

I want a holiday.




My wants obviously outweigh my want-nots. Hence, I have arrived at the conclusion that... I should get what I want. Nuff said.

P.S. I just realised how much I miss writing crap.
kthnxbye

I don't know why it's so easy for people to tell me how much I mean to them and then just as easily, turn away and walk the other way. I'm talking about four different people here, so its not just one particular person. Its four. So there has to be something wrong with me, right? And three in particular did the worse damage cos they made me trust them, knowing how difficult it is for me, and in the end broke my heart.
I can only take so much. No more. Never again.
This heart is closed for business. Everyone go home. There's nothing to see here. Go. Go on now.

"Learn to forgive like the prophet. Cause in the end, you know people will belive in you. Don;t worry, you have me, I have you and we don't need to be lovers to be there for one another. I give you my hand whenever you need it. Rashal, don't worry. Take everything off your mind cause you know you're worth a lot more."

To think I use to think he was immature.... and then have these words come from him. People really can change. You have to give them a chance and believe in them. I'm glad I believed in you ad trusted you.

I haven't been writing for the longest time. I guess I wasn't really that inspired? Not that I'm inspired now but having someone close to you write songs and belt them out to you over the phone close to every night can make you feel a little inspired.

I think I just have to say this cos I've been carrying this around with me since you left:

I am just so damn angry. I finally found someone I could talk to and actually get along with since you-know-who and then you had to go and leave. And that didn't really matter because it doesn't exactly matter that we can't see each other anymore. Its not like you migrated or anything. But hte worse thing is that you just totally cut yourself off from me. How? Why? How  can someone even bring themself to distance themselves from people they are friends with( or claim to be friends with) without feeling even the slightest bit hesitant or even depressed is beyond me. I thought we were close. You spent every goddamn weekday with me and you didn't even tell me wen you were leaving. ME!! You couldn't tell ME? After everything. All the talks over coffee, the roof, the bubble tea, the talks... The very pleasant talks. What was I to you?
You were always so annoyed with you being my "filler guy" my "plan b" my "part-time boyfriend". But really, what the fuck was I to you?

This is what I'll never understand about guys. I really don't understand. How the fuck can you just forget about a person. Especially a person like me( I know I sound damn fucking high and mghty but really you don't know shit). And the worse part is, its not like we fought or were bitter about anything. Things were totally normal and then you just bailed. You totally bailed. Erghhhhh And this will go unforgiven. You forgot my birthday. What kind of good friend forgets your close friend's birthday. Even if you were having problems you could've talked to me. I'm always here. I'm here.
 
I have nothing but love for my friends. And yet I get treated like shit. So what does this mean? Does it mean I should start being a total bitch? Would that help me from getting my heart broken all the fucking time? Would it? Plese tell me cos I'm really getting so tired of losing people I love. Just really so tired. I just miss you so much. So so so much.

just let me be like one of THOSE girls. I want to be skinny and have small, nice boobies.
Why can't I be like every other girl? Why can't I just be Chinese or Malay or Indian. It would have been so much easier. Soooo much easier. There's seriously no point in people( mainly old men and women and little kids) telling me I'm pretty or whatever. So what? So what if I am. There's no one who wants me. No one. And another thing....
I wish I didn't have to straighten my hair like every five months and deal with my horrid complexion that I have right now. I wish I hadn't slacked off so much and ended up where I am now.

Please, let me be sane enough to put my hopes and my love on someone else. The one time I find myself feeling better, I found it in a place I shouldn't have. I'm so stupid. I'm always finding love in the wrong places. Always.


ERGH. On another note, Pioneer's Got Talent is tomorrow and I am the emcee and a guest performer. AND I didn't help the drama club one bit with their props. I am such a horrid person. A horrid horrid disgusting person.